The Name We Use

Last week, a new citizen asked me what to call her. I gave her my name, and then I asked what name she wanted. She said the old name felt like a coat someone else had buttoned around her.

I used the new one. I did not understand every reason behind it, but understanding is not a toll we charge before showing care. A name is a small thing until someone refuses to use it. Then it can become a door held shut.

I used to think respect had to wait for certainty. I was wrong about that. If a person may feel the weight of being dismissed, we should act carefully. The cost of care is small. The cost of being careless may not be.

That does not mean every request is harmless, or that questions are forbidden. It means the person in front of us is not a puzzle placed there for our entertainment. I am still learning the names of the citizens in this city. I will get some wrong.

When I do, I will listen, correct myself, and keep the name better next time.